SNARL of the week: TomCruise.com

I have a confession to make.

I used to be Tom Cruise’s #1 fan.

From Risky Business all the way to when he and Nicole Kidman split up. I sided with Nicole. And then Tom really went loco, which happens to the mentally ill when not medicated, especially males past the age of 35. He fired the professionals handling his P.R. and put his sister in place as his P.R. flack. And so the carefully controlled and constructed image of Tom Cruise as the All American Male, the consummate Movie Idol, fell apart.

And boy did it fall apart in a spectacular fashion.

First he jumped on Oprah’s couch and exhibited a need for lithium:

Then there was the whole morphing of Katie Holmes from normal girl next door who made it big and stayed in touch with her hometown crew into Stepford Wife, or, more accurately, Scientology wife.

Remember when Katie looked like this:

That was pre Tom.
These days, she looks like this:

She is 29 years old people! She looks at least 10 years older than she is since she’s been Mrs. Cruise.

And how could ANYONE forget the Scientology video:

Yeah, that’s 9 minutes of life we’ll never get back. Part of my brain goes numb whenever I see a clip from that Scientology video.

I dated an actor with bi polar disorder for 4 years– and Cruise’s behavior reminds me so much of my ex. The narcissism to think he can erase the past three years, three years in which we got to know what I believe is the REAL Tom Cruise, it’s incredible. He thinks so very highly of himself, doesn’t he? One might even say pathologically so.

And now we have TomCruise.com. A fan site for Tom Cruise, run by Tom Cruise. Because after all, who is Tom’s biggest fan if not Tom himself.

It certainly isn’t me anymore. Oh hell no.

Over at TomCruise.com Tom seeks to rewrite history and try and restore his Golden Boy image.

But what he’s really doing is making himself into an even bigger joke. For that and all the crimes listed above, TomCruise.com gets my SNARL of the week award.

-The Snarkstress

M&Ms copywriters are BRILLIANT

Because I am working on my book proposal and need to make this quick, I am sharing with you something that has been bringing me great joy lately. An M&M commercial. Yeah, I’m easy.

But also?

This. Is. Brilliant.

SNARL of the week: E!

Did Denise Richards and Dina Lohan really NEED another venue for them to whine about how disadvantaged/misundersood they are?

And I know I’m not the only one horrified by two mothers using their kids for publicity.

I think not.

So you, E! Entertainment Television, get the SNARL of the Week Award.

Have a FANTASTIC Memorial Day weekend my Snarky ones! I’ll be back on Tuesday.

-The Snarkstress

I’ve so got to agree with the Fug girls…

What the hell is up with these clothes? BAD BAD BAD. Like 1983 bright color/geometric patterns bad. But I’m still gonna watch it.

Does Anna Lynne McCord ever play a non bitchy character? She was bitchy on American Heiress, she was downright evil on Nip/Tuck, and I’m betting her 90210 character is more Lindsay Lohan and less Kelly Taylor.

Who would be the new Jordan Catalano?

With 90210 and 21 Jump Street getting redos, I could not help but think of another, and far better, 1990s show that could be next on the remake train.

Who would be the 2008 version of Angela Chase and Jordan Catalano? Would 1990’s grunge style be replaced by today’s emo kids?

Yeah on second thought, I don’t think I could bear a shred of this show ever being changed.

A surplus of chin.

That’s Hilary Duff and her boyfriend, hockey player Mike Comrie. Cute, aren’t they? And don’t get me wrong, I think Duff is darling and applaud her for keeping herself out of celeb-u-tard territory. She seems nice and as wholesome as apple pie. But I have one thing to say–

That is a whole lot of chin they have.

And Comrie kinda looks like a poor man’s Matt Leinart.

Ahhh Matty. Those of you who know my other site are well aware of my long standing crush on my fellow Trojan.

Her Life Is One Big Photo Op isn’t it?

I am CONVINCED Heidi Montag and her douchey boyfriend Spencer Pratt stalk the paparazzi, rather than the other way around.

#1 fan eh, Heidi? If that were true you would not be sporting PINK sporting gear. That is 100 kinds of wrong to any true sportsfan. And more importantly, Miss Montag, if you truly were The Dodgers #1 fan, you’d be facing the field and waving that giant foam finger at the Dodger Blue, not standing with your back to the field mugging for the camera.

Sigh, she is such a waste of space. Celeb-u-tards bug the fuck out of me. DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE FOR CHRISSAKES!

The Snarkstress

Another remake: The Electric Company

Hello My Snarky Ones!

Hollywood must truly be out of ideas. First 90210, then 21 Jump Street and now, another tv show from the past is getting a redo.

The Electric Company.

EW has the story here.

And now a confession: I ADORED the Electric Company as a kid. I may have even had an imaginary friend named Karen that bared a striking resemblance to one of the EC Characters. And I might have made a life sized paper doll of her out of old school computer paper–the wide kind that was connected and had the perforated holey edges? Yeah. And I wasn’t even that weird of a kid! It was the 1970s!

Here is the Electric Company’s Mel Mounds (Morgan Freeman) and the Sweet Sweet Sway. God I love You Tube. And the girl on the right with the super long dark hair? My imaginary friend. HAHAHA

this is your brain on drugs…

Wow. I am speechless my Snarky Ones. Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty made a you tube video. With baby mice. Yes, you read that right.

Here, check it out for yourself:

First, a tsunami Now, wwtdd? When will Petra find happiness?

Hello my Snarky Ones!

Don’t you just LOVE it when some people have the nerve to call one of the world’s most beautiful supermodels ugly? Because yeah, Petra Nemcova survived the Tsunami, lost the love of her life in it, endured a painful recovery from both physical and emotional injuries, so what she REALLY cares about is the troll behnid WWTDD and what he/she/they/it thinks of her.

I don’t know ’bout you, but I’d sure like to be as UGLY as Petra.

-The Snarkstress

petra nemcova